Trouble in Paradise

My serious meeting this afternoon with my co-teacher about issues I've been collecting throughout the year just ended with her crying, me giving her a pep talk and telling her everything would be fine. No issues resolved. What?

To give a little background, I have been on a downward spiral (with regards to teaching) since about the end of May, growing more and more disdainful as the days go by. I know my attitude hasn't been the greatest, though I absolutely haven't shown it at work- I'm just as upbeat as ever with my students, who have grown (it seems to me) more and more hopelessly disinterested in learning English. It's not like they were ever super enthusiastic about it; the fact is, most of my students are orphans. They don't have a strong support system or anyone who is a particularly motivating influence in their lives. They live in a monastery with monks who beat them with bamboo rods and tell them, on a daily basis, how stupid, lazy, and worthless they are. I try to keep that in mind while teaching English, a subject most will probably never use. The minority of kids I teach that do have families are mostly farmers' sons and daughters, who will grow up to inherit the land their parents broke their backs tilling over the decades. I have several students who are (quite obviously) physically abused at home*- one boy's father beat him so badly over the summer vacation that he came back with a steel rod holding the broken bones in his leg together. 

(*Korea's stance on child abuse and spousal battery is, in my opinion, disgusting. The authorities are very aware of the problem and are constantly sweeping it under the rug; better to silence the victim than expose and humiliate the perpetrator, in turn, admitting the problem exists. It is extremely rare for someone guilty of child abuse or sexual crimes to be prosecuted here; if carried out, the sentences are considered a stain on Korea. It's a part of the culture I absolutely can never support, but also, unfortunately, am powerless to change.)

I have good days and bad. I try to just think about how lucky I am that I have a family who loves me no matter how stupid or worthless I am, and the freedom and means to travel and do basically whatever I want. I have experienced so many things that these kids will never get to see, and I am thankful. But that fact doesn't make it easier to keep 150 unruly, emotionally damaged teens, at the peak of puberty, who don't understand me, in line, respectful, and interested in hearing what I have to say.

However, a big part of this problem has consistently been my co-teacher, who has not been supportive to me at all since she started working at the school in March. Kim is, at 46, emotionally decades younger. She is wiry, timid, flighty and, for lack of a better description, a space cadet. She has, on more than one occasion, physically abused the students, had emotional breakdowns in class, and has dropped any and all authority in class. I have been reluctant to be confrontational about these issues for fear of really damaging our working relationship; she is very sensitive, and also my only mouthpiece to the rest of the people I work with. Today I just couldn't take it anymore; after weeks of classes behaving deplorably, I absolutely had to say something. I had to beg for her help.

I spent most of the morning thinking about how I would do this: I e-mailed my recruiter, Alistair and asked his advice. I looked on web forums for people who have had similar problems to mine. I wrote out a list of problems I was having and planned a speech, and, before class, asked Kim if she'd have a meeting with me after class was finished. 

So, we met. I kept a very calm tone, and, as kindly as I could, addressed each issue and asked her opinion on it. She was very quiet, and probably as I reached issue three, started stirring uncomfortably in her seat. This quickly led to her crying. I was trying to finish the list, but I felt so guilty that the conversation kind of turned around and it ended with me comforting her and telling her everything would be ok. I just.... don't really know where to go from here. It's absolutely clear I'm the one that has to be in charge here, in curriculum, discipline and planning, no matter how much I wish it weren't the case. I guess I just have to take things one day at a time and hope my students start cutting me a little slack.

More soon,
M