Goodbye Youngcheon

Two years have elapsed since I've come to this crazy place. 

I remember how I felt, driving up to the airport curb so early in the morning, hugging my mom and brother goodbye, filled with such anxiety about what I would encounter here. I had no clue what the next two years would bring; if I had had some idea, I never would have imagined what I crammed in during this time. No idea that I would be in a band that headlined a festival and got an interview in a magazine. No idea that I'd act in a film that would go on to win two international awards. No idea that I would be a model and win some award for that and be on television. No idea that I could organize a One Act play festival and write so much original stuff. There are so many more things that have happened to me that wouldn't have been possible anywhere else.

Is it over? 

The truth is, I've gone through a lot of changes in the last six months, too many to possibly describe on a computer screen. Change is incredibly hard, and scary. I have only a vague idea of what the future will bring. As of this afternoon, I am unemployed for the first time in over ten years. I neglected to find other work after my public school contract ran out. I'll remain here for a while and try to find temporary work before leaving Korea for the last time around Christmas. I have the characters and the setting figured out, but beyond that, time will tell. 

As for the last day with my kids, I have some mixed emotions. Of course there are students that I won't miss very much, but there are ones that I will miss tremendously. They gave me a stack of goodbye notes, some of which were crude and hilarious, others shockingly honest and heartbreaking. I forced myself to believe over the last two years that there was nothing I could say that could possibly change these kids' lives, that there was nothing I could do to really alter their points of view. Somehow, though, I did manage to get through to them, at least a little bit. 

I leave with a quote:

"Goodbyes should be hard. They should get stuck in the throat, weigh heavy on the heart and kick you in the gut. An easy goodbye is a mark of wasted time. Farewells that roll off the tongue without pause and reflection means something wasn't done right. The moment wasn't seized. Life wasn't lived. 

A parting should threaten one's peace. It should cause, at the minimum, a moment of agonizing doubt. 'Should I leave? Is this right?' There should be at least one person left behind that makes you wonder, 'How will I ever exist without this person in my life?' Some circumstances are better viewed in the rear-view mirror, but not people."

Spring 2013 Update

Dear everyone in my life,
It is high time for an update. I have been so busy I can't even believe it!

1. The North Korea situation
As you probably have seen in the news, things between NK and SK aren't good at all right now. The outlook isn't great. I have received several messages from you wonderful people who love me asking if I'm alright. And, I am just fine! I am slightly unnerved by all of the stuff in the news, but the truth is, the only news I receive on this matter comes from the BBC or CNN. Koreans don't talk about this(at least to me), they don't worry about this, and it really, truly is business as usual over here. Every time I ask my co-teacher about the situation, she kind of rolls her eyes and says, "It will be ok. I promise you." I am about four hours south of Seoul and about five hours from the border with NK. I feel pretty safe, and I'm putting all of my trust in the power of the South Korean and US military powers. Really. Everything is ok. I don't feel threatened by the thought of invasion. No one I know has booked a flight out of here yet. I am not leaving Korea unless I ACTUALLY have to, or unless my contract is up. Though I will say that I have considered an emergency plan, which includes a couple spare bottles of water and flight to Thailand to wait it out (on a beach in the sun).

Korean police force on high alert!

2. Cancerton.
My band is BACK in full force! We have been recording like crazy, practicing a lot, and have managed to convince someone to let us play a spring festival for 3,000 people. WHAT!!!! That guy is definitely going to be fired! Haha. Our drummer, Tim, recently had to leave Jinju, so we replaced him with.... JACKIE!! She joined us for our first practice together yesterday, and it went well, but we all have a LOT of work to do before the festival.

A picture from the festival's page :) EXCITING! 

We anticipate our album to be finished by that time so we can give out copies after our show. The organizer of the festival has promised us a smoke machine and fireworks. I plan on crowd surfing to my own music. SO EXCITING! When will I ever get this kind of chance again? Only in Korea :)
Here's a link to our music page:
https://soundcloud.com/cancertron


3. The 24 Hour Play Project
Back in February, I organized a 24-Hour One Act Play writing festival. The way it went was each team would draw four random parameters (a line, a setting, a prop, and a character's name) and would have 24 hours to write an original one act play. (I both organized and participated in this event!) There was a panel of twelve judges from various theatrical backgrounds around the world who took a week to score the plays. The top four plays were chosen to be produced a month later. I wrote a play about a man with leprosy who lives in the basement of an old theatre and deals with a looming apocalypse by talking to characters from old plays. My play came in second place!!!! It was exciting.

Organizing friends into their roles for the production

The next part of the project was the production bit, which I also organized. I gathered a group of about 25 friends from my city and Changwon (an hour east of me). Everyone randomly drew the roles for each play and 24 hours later, the four plays were put on for an audience of about 65 people. The play I acted in was called "I'm Sticking With You," a comedy (with a musical number!) about two people at a speed-dating event who get stuck together with super-duct tape. It was AWESOME. I think everyone was really universally impressed by the production; everyone had completely memorized their lines by curtain time. The plays were funny, moving, and really well acted. I was proud and exhausted :)

A read-through with my group for "I'm Sticking With You"

"I'm Sticking With You" In action!

4. Writing Group
I started a writer's group for my city last month, and it has been really wonderful for me. There are nine of us in the group and every week we complete a prompt chosen by one of us in rotation. I find myself looking forward to doing the prompts more and more each week, and even more so to reading them. It made me think about my future, that is, well, after Korea. Thinking about "after Korea" has been a nightmarish thought to me for a long time now; it's pretty much the main reason I decided to stay another year here. Life here is simply too good and too easy to give up; the opportunities I've had here have been incredible, and I'm so thankful for them. But living here is kind of like living in Neverland. I feel like I'm putting off adulthood more and more by staying. I also don't think I can bear another year of goodbyes to people I've grown to love so much. I have no idea really what I want out of my life, and I've avoided the thought for far too long. During a skype session with my sister the other day, she suggested rather innocently, "Why don't you try Hollywood?" I guess that idea never crossed my mind because I thought it was out of my reach. But now, I kind of feel like, I could do it. I've accomplished so much in such a short time over here, I'm feeling like anything is really possible. I've started looking into film schools in Los Angeles, specifically for screenwriting. I don't know what will happen, but at least I have an idea of where my life is headed, which is more than I could say even last week. I know for certain that I will not be happy in any job unless I'm allowed to create something on my own. If I don't try, I'll never know. And if I fail, I'll have a better chance at being happy doing something else.

Anyway, just thoughts. For the time being, I am safe, happy, and extremely busy. More sometime soon. <3M

Winter in Korea

Things are happening so fast. Cancertron played (our first show since Sean came back) on Saturday night. It was nice to be back officially, but we have another two month break coming up due to everyone's travel/vacation arrangements. It was all in all a great night :)

I was really lucky to be able to have not one, but TWO amazing Thanksgiving dinners- it eased the pain of being away from home anyway. I was in good company of people- many who have never tried turkey before (!) and the others being people as psyched for it as I.

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Winter is HERE, whether I like it or not. This is Jinju under a fresh blanket of snow- the first snow anyone can remember in something like ten years. Looking at the snow coming down made it feel so much like home, it was so exciting and beautiful. It made me SOOOO EXCITED to come home- nine more sleeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another goodbye down.... This time it was Erik (top left). It will never get easier. My heart breaks a little more every time. I guess that's the name of the game in Korea. I'm so lucky to be given the chance to form wonderful, meaningful bonds with these people, however short-lived. My friends in Korea are so so dear to me.

 

 

I crashed my scooter last night, it was really scary. It was out of my control- literally, a cable or something snapped and the gas took on a mind of its own, refusing to give up full throttle. I flew off at about 35 miles/hour and skidded along the road for a little bit. I made it all the way home- I crashed within 100 feet of my house- which is amazing. I am so thankful that I didn't hit anyone else, and moreover, that I was able to walk away from the accident with just a little bit skin missing from my butt/bruising. I am more upset about my torn jeans and presumably trashed bike :( But. It's not life. It's just stuff. More soon friends.

Fall Update

Wow! It certainly has been a very long time since my last post. There's simply too much going on at all times. My life here just isn't slowing down at all! In the past few weeks, I have been playing music as often as possible, I acted in a short film, I was used as a model by a Korean friend in a makeup festival, beach weekends, general fun and craziness.
The teaching is going so smoothly lately, though I have good weeks and bad. I've started co-coaching boys' soccer on Thursdays and really just get paid to run around with my kids for two hours. Yesterday, a bunch of my ex-students (who graduated in March) came back to visit me. It was a really weirdly validating experience; they spoke English so much better than I had remembered, and they were all so happy to see me! Two boys brought me chocolates and told me they missed me. It warmed my heart!

making all the things! my fan did not look like the rest of theirs :)

picking strawberries!!

Kim and I, teaching our third grade class

my school!

Ron beating Logan by a hair

Sean came back last week and Cancertron is REUNITED! We plan on playing at least one show before I go home for Christmas (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and we have tons of new songs to introduce. Maybe even a music video..... We will probably also try to play shows in other cities for the first time!

Six weeks from today I will be HOME!!!!!!! I can't believe I'm typing those words. At this point, Buffalo is as foreign a place to me as Korea was when I first arrived here. I can't even begin to fathom what I will experience during the month I will be back. I am beside myself with excitement to see my family and friends!

It's a beautiful life. It just keeps getting better.

I Survived the Great Typhoon of 2012

Yes, there was a typhoon that just swept through the nation. And, by swept through, I mean, it probably actually tidied things up a little bit :)

the slightest of flooding in the rice paddy- it will be gone by friday

The buildup to this typhoon was a days-long, armageddon-esque topic, about which people spoke in wide-eyed hushed tones. "It's the biggest typhoon to hit Korea in 10 years!" It even made the front page of the BBC news website. That made me a tiny bit nervous (I've never even experienced a hurricane before!) but having lived through a few other large storms here, I was pretty skeptical about the whole thing. Koreans, like everyone else, love to be dramatic when speaking about the weather, I know this very well after a sunny snow-less winter which all of my co-teachers swore was "the coldest in memory."

Well, my classes were cancelled yesterday, students ecstatic that they'd be allowed to stay home and seek refuge inside with their smartphones and televisions. I, however, had to come to school! Public school teachers in Korea are considered public servants- so, I made the hour's trek to school to "plan safety procedures" with my co-workers. This generally amounted to me sleeping on the couch with a couple of books all day long, emerging to eat lunch and go to the bathroom. It was a pretty great day :)

only a few trees were knocked over, and i saw one window broken

Though, I admit, some sick part of me is a little disappointed I didn't get to see the might of a real storm. I did see a bunch of trees down in the park I usually walk through to get to and from the bus stop, as well as one broken window- but in less than 24 hours, the typhoon was long gone, leaving relatively little damage in its wake.

Typhoon season doesn't end until November 1 (the same as hurricane season in the Atlantic) so time will tell if this is the worst we will get this year!

More soon!
M

Trouble in Paradise

My serious meeting this afternoon with my co-teacher about issues I've been collecting throughout the year just ended with her crying, me giving her a pep talk and telling her everything would be fine. No issues resolved. What?

To give a little background, I have been on a downward spiral (with regards to teaching) since about the end of May, growing more and more disdainful as the days go by. I know my attitude hasn't been the greatest, though I absolutely haven't shown it at work- I'm just as upbeat as ever with my students, who have grown (it seems to me) more and more hopelessly disinterested in learning English. It's not like they were ever super enthusiastic about it; the fact is, most of my students are orphans. They don't have a strong support system or anyone who is a particularly motivating influence in their lives. They live in a monastery with monks who beat them with bamboo rods and tell them, on a daily basis, how stupid, lazy, and worthless they are. I try to keep that in mind while teaching English, a subject most will probably never use. The minority of kids I teach that do have families are mostly farmers' sons and daughters, who will grow up to inherit the land their parents broke their backs tilling over the decades. I have several students who are (quite obviously) physically abused at home*- one boy's father beat him so badly over the summer vacation that he came back with a steel rod holding the broken bones in his leg together. 

(*Korea's stance on child abuse and spousal battery is, in my opinion, disgusting. The authorities are very aware of the problem and are constantly sweeping it under the rug; better to silence the victim than expose and humiliate the perpetrator, in turn, admitting the problem exists. It is extremely rare for someone guilty of child abuse or sexual crimes to be prosecuted here; if carried out, the sentences are considered a stain on Korea. It's a part of the culture I absolutely can never support, but also, unfortunately, am powerless to change.)

I have good days and bad. I try to just think about how lucky I am that I have a family who loves me no matter how stupid or worthless I am, and the freedom and means to travel and do basically whatever I want. I have experienced so many things that these kids will never get to see, and I am thankful. But that fact doesn't make it easier to keep 150 unruly, emotionally damaged teens, at the peak of puberty, who don't understand me, in line, respectful, and interested in hearing what I have to say.

However, a big part of this problem has consistently been my co-teacher, who has not been supportive to me at all since she started working at the school in March. Kim is, at 46, emotionally decades younger. She is wiry, timid, flighty and, for lack of a better description, a space cadet. She has, on more than one occasion, physically abused the students, had emotional breakdowns in class, and has dropped any and all authority in class. I have been reluctant to be confrontational about these issues for fear of really damaging our working relationship; she is very sensitive, and also my only mouthpiece to the rest of the people I work with. Today I just couldn't take it anymore; after weeks of classes behaving deplorably, I absolutely had to say something. I had to beg for her help.

I spent most of the morning thinking about how I would do this: I e-mailed my recruiter, Alistair and asked his advice. I looked on web forums for people who have had similar problems to mine. I wrote out a list of problems I was having and planned a speech, and, before class, asked Kim if she'd have a meeting with me after class was finished. 

So, we met. I kept a very calm tone, and, as kindly as I could, addressed each issue and asked her opinion on it. She was very quiet, and probably as I reached issue three, started stirring uncomfortably in her seat. This quickly led to her crying. I was trying to finish the list, but I felt so guilty that the conversation kind of turned around and it ended with me comforting her and telling her everything would be ok. I just.... don't really know where to go from here. It's absolutely clear I'm the one that has to be in charge here, in curriculum, discipline and planning, no matter how much I wish it weren't the case. I guess I just have to take things one day at a time and hope my students start cutting me a little slack.

More soon,
M

Goodbyes, Gangnam Style: The beginning of year two

Phew! It's been a minute I guess. I've been incredibly busy lately- well, to a point. It's the season of goodbyes, so most of my time (vacation included) has been dedicated to doing those properly: laying in the sun, jellyfish stings, eating as much ice cream as we can, riding the scooter all over the place, and partying all night. The goodbyes aren't mine, though- I signed my contract today (!!!) for another year in good old Korea! Today is the official start of the second semester- and this weekend marks one year since I left Buffalo. I miss it every day still!! I can't wait until Christmas when I can go home and see my family and feast on the wonderful things my awesome city has to offer!!!

one of our last shows

saying goodbye to eve.... my best bud

Reflections as of late:
1. The goodbyes have been hard and probably aren't going to get easier. I know more people are going to come and fill those holes as best as they can, but so far it's kind of been like experiencing a death. Dramatic, I know. But when you're used to seeing these people almost every day- they've been the constants in my life- it's been more than a little depressing to try to move on from that, especially knowing you'll never see the majority of them ever again. Change is a constant here in Korea, and it comes in two massive waves- September and March. This is a big time for people to leave the country (semester change). Things will level off very soon, but even my Vice Principal, who has been driving me to and from school every day for nearly a year, is retiring this weekend. We can't communicate with each other very well but it still breaks my heart that he's leaving. One day at a time!

The Jisan Valley Rock Festival- we saw Radiohead, M. Ward and Elvis Costello among others. It was almost unbearably hot but a super awesome time!!!

2. Things would be really different if I had a different co-teacher I think. She is simultaneously impossible to like and impossible to hate. I mostly can't believe the things that come out of her mouth, and get stressed when she expects me to behave like the Korean teacher while she behaves like.... a child. She just traveled out of the city of Jinju for the first time in her 46 years of life (!) to a neighboring city. She makes my job and interactions with my other co-workers far more difficult than if I were just to be teaching alone; she actually never informs me of schedule changes, planned events, or really anything. However, I'm convinced she has an actual mental/emotional problem, or is going through something really terrible. Anyway, working together has grown more and more difficult recently, and I'm praying something changes soon.

3. My health! .... I recently had a tapeworm infection and successfully got rid of it. I took a whole bunch of different pills (over the course of MONTHS!) that didn't really work, and it was really difficult to communicate with the Korean doctors. My system is so depleted, I've been dealing with it over the course of the past six months. I'm still infected with some kind of parasite, but, again it's been kind of hard to find a good doctor here who knows about the gastrointestinal stuff. I've just been feeling really tired all the time, stomach cramps and diarrhea constantly since pretty much June, brain fogs etc. Apparently parasites are REALLY common here (I had no idea really!) and the anti-parasitic drugs don't require a prescription and only cost a DOLLAR! It's craziness. Mostly if you go to the hospital here and describe the symptoms, they'll immediately try to give me antibiotics and shoo me away (not effective for me, kind of why I'm in this situation to begin with I think!), OR, go the opposite route and get really invasive, and go for and endoscopy, which is really expensive and probably not even all that effective in finding microscopic organisms in my digestive tract. Great. This week I had to start an anti-parasitic no sugar/no yeast diet. No beer! No bread! No ice cream :( I don't know who I miss more.... Sean, or sugar. If you know me at all, you'll know I've been deprived of my favorite things to ingest. I've already lost a moderate amount of weight. Again.... one day at a time!

I usually get through the weekdays by plotting events for the future, and though I have none that are particularly exciting as of yet, I do know that autumn is the best time of the year to live in Korea- it's the height of festival season, and this year I have a tent. I'm super excited to have excursions into the corners of this country and explore all that I can while I'm here and while the weather is nice.

More soonish,
<3M